


Freedom

by ariapassionflower01



Series: Bill Knows Best [4]
Category: Tokio Hotel
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Porn with some plot, Punishments, Spanking, Twincest, bottom!Tom, controlfreak!Bill, sub/dom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-23
Updated: 2014-01-23
Packaged: 2018-01-09 17:18:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1148727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariapassionflower01/pseuds/ariapassionflower01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For once, Tom just wants to do something on his own, free of Bill's authority. But it turn out freedom isn't quite what he thought it would be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Freedom

Bill and Tom did everything together or rather, Tom did everything with Bill. Or Bill did everything with Tom.  
Tom wasn't even sure when it had started, but somewhere along the line, Bill had become the decider, the controller, the commander. He had submitted himself willingly to Bill because he knew that Bill loved him. Bill knows best. The words so often crooned in his ear were his mantra. He didn't often doubt Bill's ability to decide what they should do, or even what just Tom should do.  
With Bill, there was rules. There was obedience and rewards, misbehavior and punishment. It was simple most of the time, but Bill's rules didn't account for Tom's pride. They didn't account for the times when he just wanted to be left alone, plain and simple.  
Tom wanted to do something by himself. For once, he just wanted to walk out the door by himself and make a decision without his twin looking over his shoulder, advising, “Maybe you should think about that first. Maybe you should've, I don't know, asked me.” He didn't even know where the desire had come from. Every since he could remember, he had wanted Bill's opinion. He had liked it when he made the right decision and received praise. Maybe it was because they were growing older – Tom didn't know, but the feeling was growing to the point where it couldn't be ignored. It had started interfering and Bill was noticing what he liked to call “Tom's Attitude.” “What has gotten into you lately?” He snapped when Tom didn't immediately obey. Tom would shrug, a response that Bill found infuriating. Therefore, Tom had taken a lot more punishments lately than he wanted to admit to. It was dumb, really, but he just couldn't stop himself from talking back or making faces – two things that lit a fire under Bill like none other. Tom wasn't sure why he was trying to get under Bill skin, but every time he did, he was getting a little kick of pleasure. Whether it outweighed the biting punishment afterwards was debatable.  
It all came to a head as they were sitting at the breakfast table one morning. Tom told Bill that he was going to go to the Audi dealership to see about buying his car and Bill responded, “I'll go with you.”  
Tom paused over his eggs and bacon. “I thought I would go by myself.” He said, casually.  
Bill's eyes snapped up. “Why would that be?” He asked, and Tom could feel the storm already rising on the horizon.  
“I don't know.” He returned sharply, anyways. “Maybe I want to do something for myself for once.”  
Bill's eyes narrowed, his brows drawing together. “I said I'll go with you.” He returned, his voice steely. “So I'm going. That's it.” He turned his eyes back down and continued to eat as if that truly were the end of it.  
Tom felt anger exploding in his chest and he snapped, “Is it? Maybe I'll just go without you? How about that, Bill?” He jumped out of his chair and marched to the sink, throwing his plate down with a loud clang. He began to march away – he didn't know where – probably to another part of the house.  
“Get over here.” Bill's voice was low and Tom could hear the anger lacing his tone.  
Tom stopped in the doorway, his shoulders drawn. He had a decision to make right now that was all on his own, and it would decide whether he would actually be able to walk out of the house to go to the dealership in the first place. He turned on his heel and faced Bill, crossing his arms tightly.  
“Stop crossing your arms.” Bill snapped.  
Tom gave a heavy sigh and dropped his arms. “What do you want, Bill?” He asked. “I just want to get my fucking car.”  
“Don't curse at me.” Bill growled. “Get the fuck over here.”  
Tom felt his heart stutter for a second at the tone in Bill's voice. He dragged his feet forward slowly, staring at the floor now until he reached where Bill was sitting. He gasped, jerking back when Bill suddenly smacked him right on the mouth. “You're going to stop this ridiculous behavior.” Bill said, grabbing Tom by the back of the neck and dragging him back. Tom pressed his lips together, his flesh stinging sharply. He could feel his breaths rushing too fast through his nose, his heart beating out a frantic rhythm.  
“ I don't know what has been going on with you lately,” Bill continued, his voice more controlled now. “But it's got to stop.” He moved his hand from Tom's neck to his chin, lifting his face to his. Bill's eyes were softer when Tom looked up into them this time. “Tell me what's going on right now and I will forget that little display just happened.” He promised.  
Tom ground his teeth and looked away from Bill's honey brown eyes. He considered breaking down right there, crying on Bill's shoulder like a baby, but how would that help? Telling Bill he wanted to be his own person wouldn't make it happen.  
“What do you want me to say?” He asked in a biting tone. “I want to go get my goddamn car without you.”  
Bill's nostrils flared sharply and Tom could feel his nails biting into his chin now.  
“Fine.” He said at last, standing from the table. “You want to act like this. You can go upstairs right now.” He pushed past Tom who was glaring at the opposite wall. He knew what Bill's order meant and he didn't want to obey. The more he stood there and thought about it, the more he didn't want to.  
He could hear Bill putting his dishes in the sink and running the water. Then there was silence, dead silence, and Tom knew that Bill was waiting – waiting for Tom to obey.  
“No.” The single word wrenched itself from Tom's lips before he realized he had been taking the time to screw up the courage. He turned about, his heart beating out an irregular rhythm as he faced Bill. “No.” He repeated. “I won't.”  
The silence thickened and Bill's eyes were intense upon him. He was angry, Tom could tell, so angry. It scared him, so much that he wanted to take the words back and run as quickly as he could up the stairs to obey. But he couldn't. He had already said it and there was no going back. He had never given such a blatant refusal before and he didn't know what would happen.  
They stared at each other for what seemed like forever and then the black clouds in Bill's eyes slowly diminished. At last, he gave a sigh and looked away, his brow furrowed. He pushed away from the counter where he had been leaning and stepped close to Tom. Tom almost took a step back but stood his ground. But Bill just put his hands on either side of his face and pressed their foreheads together. “I've never forced you to do anything, Tomi.” He said, at last. “And I won't force you now. But if you walk out that door by yourself, I promise you that you won't like it. You'll regret it.” He stepped back and this time, he just looked hurt. He released Tom and motioned towards the door. “So go. If you think that's what you want.”  
Tom wanted to exclaim that it was just for his car, but he couldn't, because it was more than that. This encounter was a culmination of what had building for weeks and Tom was surprised when he found himself hesitating. He hadn't expected Bill to give him a choice. Now that he was here, he stalled, suddenly afraid that what Bill said was true. Then he reminded himself, This is what you wanted. And then he pulled away. He walked out the door and left Bill alone in the kitchen. 

~

Tom did not go to the Audi dealership. Instead, he drove aimlessly around LA in his Escalade, blasting their own music from the speakers. Listening to Bill's voice had always calmed him, but today it just drove him to a sharp edge – an edge where he lost control of himself and he needed Bill.  
Somewhere between walking out the front door and getting five miles away from home, Tom realized what a terrible mistake he had just made. What had he been thinking? Without Bill, he felt as if he had suddenly been tossed overboard in the middle of the cold, dark ocean. There was no shoreline and no lighthouse – there was just Tom sputtering and thrashing to stay alive.  
By the time he made it home, he was choking on tears. He sat behind the wheel, breathing unsteadily.  
Bill's car was gone and Tom lowered his head to wheel with a quiet moan. He had come home to an empty house.  
Tom closed his eyes, realizing that he had time to make another decision – continue on his current path or beg for Bill's forgiveness. The part of him that was scared and panicking told him to try to call Bill's cell right now and tell him that he had changed his mind. The other part of him that had made the original decision told him he was being a baby – he needed to buck up and learn to live by himself. Stop being pathetic. A disdainful voice in the back of his mind ordered.  
Tom lifted his head from the wheel and drew in a deep breath. He passed the backs of his hands over his eyes and glanced at the rearview mirror, catching his own reflection in the glass. His red, fearful eyes made him agree with the voice in his head. He flipped off the mirror and shoved the door of the Escalade open. He slid down and shoved the door closed with more force than was necessary and stalked towards the house.  
When he got inside he isolated himself on the couch and gathered Scotty in his arms. He snuggled the beloved dog against his chest, thinking that at least Scotty would never be angry with him. He definitely wouldn't try to control him or tell him what to do.  
He turned on the TV and lost interest quickly. He found his iPod and put in his earbuds. This time, he listened to something other than Tokio Hotel. Fuck you, Bill. He thought and leaned back on the couch with his eyes closed. He was on the verge of sleep with Scotty's warm body against him when he heard the front door open. He jolted awake, knowing that it was Bill.  
The smell of Chinese takeout drifted in with him and Tom realized that his stomach was empty again. He hadn't finished his breakfast because of his blowout with Bill and he was hungry. He gently pushed Scotty off of him and rose, stretching. He wandered out into the kitchen where Bill was tossing his jacket off and sitting down at the table.  
“Smells good.” Tom commented.  
Bill glanced over at him, as if surprised that he were even speaking to him. “I didn't think you would be hungry.” He replied, narrowing his gaze and looking back at his food.  
Tom stared at him. Bill always brought him takeout, whether he thought he would be hungry or not and vice versa. Bill had done this just to be a bitch to him.  
“You always bring enough for both of us.” Tom pointed out. He knew he shouldn't be getting angry over something as small as takeout, but he knew that this was about their fight this morning.  
Bill sighed heavily before he turned firey dark eyes on Tom. “Well, Mr. Independent, why don't you go out and get it yourself... 'For once.'” He said, mimicking Tom's words from earlier.  
Tom sputtered for a second, hardly able to believe that Bill was taking it this far. At last, he folded his arms and replied darkly. “You know, I was thinking about apologizing earlier, but, you know what – fuck that.” He pointed a finger in Bill's face. “And fuck you, Bill.” He spun on his heel and marched away, angry waves of heat washing over him. He registered footsteps thundering after him but he kept going. Bill just couldn't treat him like this anymore; he didn't care about “consequences” anymore.  
Bill's fingers dug into his shoulder and he pulled him around sharply. For a second, Tom thought he was going to be smacked again. Instead, Bill shoved him up against the wall and pinned him there. His usually light brown eyes were dark with anger, his face painted with rage. “Just because I let you go this morning doesn't mean you can talk to me like that.” He said, his voice dark and low.  
“Let go of me.” Tom ordered, struggling against Bill's hold.  
“No.” Bill resisted, planting his forearm over Tom's chest and pushing him back harder against the wall. He leaned in closer, their noses bare inches apart. “You're still going to respect me.”  
“What are you going to do if I don't?” Tom spat.  
He cried out suddenly when Bill's hand slipped right between his legs latched on.  
“Let go of me!” He huffed, his face hot with anger and embarrassment.  
“Do feel this?” Bill snarled, his fingers curling tighter around Tom's cock, which against all reasoning was slowly becoming aroused. He may've been angry at Bill, but his simple touch had never failed to pull this kind of reaction out of Tom. “Do you?” Bill repeated.  
“Yes!” Tom snapped. “Of course I do! You've got your talons-”  
“This is mine.” Bill went on, stopping Tom right in the middle of his exclamation. “This is mine and it always will be. You are mine, whether you want to be or not. Now, it may not be tomorrow or the next day, or even next week – but sooner or later you're going to accept that again.” They were nose to nose by the end of Bill's barely controlled tirade, their breaths rushing against each other's lips. And here, so close to him, Tom could hardly think outside the bubble that Bill had just created around them – a world of possessiveness, sexual aggression, and a love that lay somewhere in between. Tom struggled to contain himself, to remember not to break down, not to give in.  
Bill's arm lifted from his chest, his hand rising to stroke Tom's cheek, almost soothingly. Tom's breaths came out haltingly and his heart pounded heavily in his chest. His body felt utterly confused by the hand that still held him so strongly, and the hand that petted him lovingly.  
“There now, hmm.” Bill murmured. “Come back to Bill.” His lips barely brushed Tom's and Tom could almost taste their sweetness. He sagged against the wall, his mind fighting, his body hardly responding, as if he had been drugged. He closed his eyes and felt Bill's lips against the corner of his mouth, kissing at his lips ring. His other hand stroked over his crotch, and Tom wanted to surrender. Everything within him wanted to return to the loving embrace, even it was preceded by punishment – because Bill always held him afterwards, didn't he? He always gathered him in his arms and kissed him, told him it was okay and that he loved him.  
Tom forced his eyes open, felt the moisture gathering in them. Then struggled against Bill's hold, pushing him back.  
“Get off.” He whispered, hoarsely, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears. Bill appeared shocked for a moment, before the same sadness resounded in his own soft, brown eyes. Tom spun around and ran toward the stairs, stumbling up them and to his room. This time, Bill didn't follow him and Tom shut himself in before the sobs began.

~

The board meeting was dull enough, but the black clouds hanging over Tom's head made it even worse. He sat slouched in his chair, hardly listening as Bill and the producers went back and forth about the new album. His arms were folded and Bill had sent him several glares that typically meant “straighten up” but he had ignored them. Today, he didn't give a fuck about the new album; he didn't really give a fuck about anything. He just wanted out of the meeting and into seclusion.  
Tom zoned back into the meeting just in time to hear Bill saying, “I went out to lunch with Kerli yesterday. We talked for a long time and I really want to collaborate again.”  
“Yesterday?” Tom cut in, sitting up.  
Bill's eyes swung to his and he situated himself in the chair, lifting his chin a notch, “Yes. While you were off at the Audi dealership.” He raised a brow, as if challenging Tom to bring their fight into the conversation. Tom sputtered for a moment. If there was one thing that they still agreed on, it was music and Tom thought that Bill would include him in something as important as collaboration.  
“You couldn't have waited?” Tom asked, trying to keep his voice even. Even so, he felt the atmosphere of the meeting shifting from comfortable to tense.  
Bill shrugged a slim, but muscled shoulder. His dark almond eyes batted almost innocently. “I was going to tell you at breakfast, but...” He let his voice trail off, leaving the rest to wonder what had truly happened.  
“This is the album, Bill.” Tom snapped, losing his cool. “You could've told me.”  
“Its not like we made any kind of decisions.” Bill replied, tightly, his smooth brow furrowing.  
“Whatever.” Tom returned, slouching back down his chair, but glaring at Bill. “It's not important. Right?”  
Bill managed to act offended, as if he were truly the victim, giving a tiny gasp.  
“Tom...” Georg said from his left.  
“Fuck off, Georg.” Tom returned, not even looking at his bandmate.  
“Get out.” Bill said, calmly, folding his hands in front of him.  
“What?” Tom asked, shocked that Bill would have the gull to tell him what to do in front of all of the producers.  
“You heard me.” Bill said. “Take your attitude and get out.”  
Tom could feel all the blood rushing to his face, certain he had never been so embarrassed in his life. He glanced over at the producers, finding their expressions ranging from uncomfortable, shocked, to amused. Tom jumped out of his chair and walked quickly to the door, before he even realized that he was following Bill's command. He found himself shaking as he slammed the door behind him. The hallway was quiet and cool from the AC and Tom leaned against the wall, trembling. Tears rose unexpectedly in his eyes and he pushed them back. He bent over, bracing his hands on his knees, and tried to breathe evenly.  
A moment later he heard the door open. Bill stepped out and shut the door softly behind him. Tom glanced over at him and clenched his jaw. Bill had his lecture face on and Tom was in no mood for it.  
Bill crossed his arms. “Okay, out with it.” he said. “What's gotten into you?”  
“Fuck off, Bill.” Tom muttered, leaning back against the wall.  
“I'm serious.” Bill snapped. “What the hell were you thinking? You fucking embarrassed me in front of the entire board, not to mention Georg and Gustav.”  
“I embarrassed you?” Tom nearly laughed in disbelief. “You are so fucking unbelievable, Bill.” Tom said, pushing off the wall. “You prance around on a stage and you think the world revolves around you. Well, it doesn't. I'm sorry to burst your little bubble.”  
“That's not what I think.” Bill returned, his voice strained with anger. “This isn't about my being a singer. This about you freaking out in there.” He jabbed a finger towards the door. “Since when do you think its okay to question me in front of the board and squabble with Georg?”  
Tom sighed. Bill had a point, but only a small one. “Since you decided to cut me out.” Tom returned, not giving up as easily as he had yesterday.  
“I didn't cut you out, remember.” Bill said, his voice softening. “You cut me out. You're the one the wanted to go. And I let you.”  
“No-” Tom protested but Bill cut him off.  
“I told you, you wouldn't like this. I told you, you would regret it. I tried to force you to realize it yesterday, but the fact is, you're going to come to the conclusion all on your own. So sit out here and think about it – see where you end up.” He grabbed the door handle.  
“Wait. I'm going back in.” Tom said.  
“You're weren't listening anyways.” Bill said, shoving Tom's hand away. “If all you want to do is fight today, then you can stay right here.”  
“You don't tell me what to do anymore.” Tom returned, his voice steely.  
“I can tell you whatever the fuck I want to.” Bill said, his eyes narrowing. “God,” He added, “I can't wait to beat your ass again.” With that, he yanked the door open and stepped in. The door slammed in Tom's face and he stared at the place where Bill had been.  
He didn't return to the meeting. Instead, he stood in the hallway and thought about it – just like Bill had told him.

~

On the way home from the meeting, Tom didn't even try to turn on the radio or suggest they stop somewhere for takeout because he was hungry. He just let Bill put on his own music and drive straight home although they hardly kept any food in the cupboards.  
Tom just wasn't in the mood to fight more and he knew that's where they would end up if Tom even tried to make a suggestion.  
When they got home, Tom threw his seatbelt off and slid quickly out of the car before Bill could even shut off the engine. He stormed inside, knowing he was still angry about their fight at the meeting. But he was slowly beginning to realize two things – Bill was right and Bill was always right. Tom didn't like this. In fact, he hated it. Bill may be his lover, but he was still his twin, and the person that Tom cared most about. He couldn't stand fighting with Bill and a part of him wished that everything would go back to normal. But he couldn't have his cake and eat it too. There was no scenario where Tom went back to Bill and Bill relinquished his authority. If Tom went back, he would most certainly be punished, then there would be cuddling... and then there would be sex.  
Tom had reached his room by the time he came to this thought. He stopped in the middle of the room, remembering the last time they had done it. It had been the night before their argument over breakfast. Tom had been fighting him even then, but Bill had eventually made him submit. Tom had found himself eating sheet, his ass lifted for Bill's cock – and he had given in, just like every other time.  
Tom went to the bed and fell back, staring at the ceiling. He knew, right then and there, if Bill came into his room in the next minute and forced him again, he would crumble. The moment Bill decided he had had enough of their arguing, Tom's days of freedom would be over. Is this freedom? Tom wondered at last. It didn't feel like freedom – it just felt like a different way for Tom to be completely connected to and controlled by Bill. And suddenly, Tom found himself thinking that he preferred the other way.  
Tom knew that he could end this all by going downstairs and throwing himself prostrate in front of Bill, begging for forgiveness. But he couldn't bring himself to move. He didn't want to do it just because he felt like he didn't have a choice.  
Tom started when he heard a soft knock on the door. He sat upright, staring with wide eyes at the door.  
“Tom?” Bill's voice drifted through door.  
“What?” Tom asked quickly.  
“Can I come in?”  
Tom sighed and squeezed his eyes shut. Why was Bill being nice to him? Probably because he knew that Tom couldn't resist him when he spoke in those tones.  
“Yeah.” Tom replied at last.  
The door opened enough for Bill to stand in the doorway, watching Tom would dark eyes.  
“What?” Tom asked, trying to recall his anger from earlier. He didn't want to forgive Bill. He wanted to keep on being mad at him.  
“You came up here pretty mad.” Bill replied. “I was just wondering if you were okay.”  
Okay?! Tom's mind screamed, How the fuck would I be okay? He trapped the thoughts in his mind and jumped off the bed. He paced away towards the window and stared out with his arms crossed. He heard footsteps and felt Bill's arms go around him. He stiffened at the soft touch but Bill pressed his mouth against Tom's neck where his black dreads had been pulled away.  
“I'm not angry with you.” Bill said, softly, his hands stroking over Tom's stomach. Tom gritted his teeth, fighting the urge to rip Bill's hands away.  
“I thought you were. You yelled at me at the meeting.” Tom replied. “You fucking sent me in the hall like a five year old.”  
“Shh.” Bill hushed him softly, his hand petting more insistently over Tom's hip.  
Tom pressed his eyes shut, wondering why he was still obeying Bill. He didn't have to anymore, right? But the part of him that had been trained to obey Bill for years was so deeply engrained that Tom found himself drawing in deep, calming breaths to settle down.  
“You're right.” Bill admitted at last. “I was angry... but I'm not anymore. I realized that you're just confused and trying to find your own way right now.”  
Tom let out the breath he had taken in and it shuddered past his lips. He was tense in Bill's arms but he wanted to relax. He wanted to sink back into that warm embrace and let it soothe him.  
“But I'm here, okay.” Bill said, his voice firm. “I'll always be here.”  
...When you decide to come back. That was the unspoken part of the sentence, Tom knew, and he came to the stunning epiphany that no matter how far he ran, he could only run right back to Bill. Bill was the only who knew his needs, the only one who could love and satisfy him. Bill was the only one who could hold authority over him. He was the only one.  
Tom fought back a sudden wave of emotion and he tried to twist out of Bill's arms. Bill moved swiftly against his resistance and pulled him about to face him. He didn't say anything – he just pulled Tom back into his arms, pressing his face against his neck. Tom breathed in desperately, smelling the soft scent of lavender and vanilla. He grasped at Bill's shirt as a tear slipped out of his eyes, racing quickly and hotly down his cheek.  
“Shh, its okay.” Bill murmured, patting his back and thumbing away the tear.  
“I can't.” Tom said, choked.  
“Can't what?” Bill asked.  
Tom lifted his head, looking at Bill with red, moist eyes. “I can't do it.” He repeated. Their eyes met, speaking more than words could say. Bill frowned as he read the meaning in Tom's eyes. Tom couldn't go back to Bill – he was resisting again.  
“Are you afraid?” Bill asked, lifting a hand to stroke his cheek. “Tell me what it is, Tomi.”  
The nickname made another flood of tears assault him and he turned away, out of Bill's touch and embrace.  
“Please,” Tom whispered, at last. “I need to think.”  
He heard Bill sigh softly, but his footsteps retreated. The door closed softly and Tom went back to the bed. He pushed his earbuds into his ears and blasted the music as loud as he could handle. But he didn't think about it. He just tried to forget, and lose himself until he fell into a restless sleep.

~

Tom slept in an empty bed for the second night in a row and awoke feeling lonely and distraught. He wondered if Bill had slept as fitfully as he had.  
He went downstairs and found the dogs and the leashes gone, along with Bill. Tom sighed. He didn't know whether that was a relief or a disappointment.  
He found a note on the counter in Bill's scrawling handwriting. 

Tom,  
I went out to run the dogs, but there's coffee in the pot. Let's please make it a better day. Love you, Bill

Tom stared at the note for a second before he crumpled it in his hand. He tossed it towards the trashcan and missed it by about a foot. He didn't bother to pick it up. Instead, he poured himself coffee, but didn't feel like eating. He went to the livingroom and turned on the Xbox. He fiddled around on one of the racing games, but the sight of the Audi on the game made him remember their argument. He threw aside the controller with a curse.  
A moment later, he heard the front door opening and the sound of panting dogs, and their toenails clinking over the tile floor. He heard Bill cooing to the them and his heart clenched.  
A moment later the dogs filed into the room, appearing exhausted. They went to their dogs bed and laid down, staring at Tom with big, dark eyes. Scotty trotted over and collapsed beside him, his head resting on Tom's knee. Tom petted his head and scratched his neck absently.  
Bill came around the corner, wearing a worn Everlast tanktop and track pants. His shirt and smooth, tanned flesh was damp with sweat, his face a glowing red from the exercise. He hadn't done anything to his thick, blonde hair and it was still mussed from sleep.  
Tom drew his eyes away, unwilling to let himself be tempted.  
“Good morning.” Bill said softly, slowing when he saw that Tom was awake. Tom grunted something in return, but he couldn't say that it was a good morning. It most definitely wasn't.  
“I'm going to shower and then I thought we should go by the studio.” Bill said, despite Tom's unengaging attitude.  
“Okay.” Tom replied, sipping at his coffee.  
“I have some new stuff I want to go over.”  
“Okay.” Tom repeated. He felt Bill's eyes on him, and he knew he wasn't off to a good start. He glanced over and found Bill looking at him as he had guessed. “What?” He asked, although he knew.  
Bill shrugged. “I thought you might try harder than that. That's all.”  
Tom made a disbelieving noise in his throat and looked away. He wasn't in the mood.  
Bill walked away and Tom flipped off his retreating back. He snorted as he imagined what Bill might've done if he had seen it. Before, he would've come rushing back to turn Tom over his knee and give him a good lashing.  
Tom scrubbed his hands over his face with a sigh, recalling their conversation the night before and his lonely feelings this morning. This couldn't go on. Tom himself was being to realize that, and he knew Bill had known it from the beginning.  
When Bill reemerged from the bathroom, his blonde and brown hair was artfully styled and there was a hint of mascara on his eyelashes. All of his piercings had rings through them now, glittering at different points on his face. He was dressed in a sheer white tanktop and white pants with a bright teal jacket on top with a pair of coordinating high top tennis shoes. A silk bandana of the same teal color dangled enticingly out of his back pocket.  
Tom had not moved from the couch, but when Bill came out, he jumped up quickly to take his own turn in the bathroom. Bill hadn't left much in the way of warm water but Tom went through his shower in a five minutes, keeping his dreads under a showercap and out of the way of the water. When he came out, he threw on a pair of loose, dark wash jeans, a white t-shirt and a black and red plaid button up shirt over top. He tied up his dreads and trimmed back his stubble before leaving the bathroom.  
Bill was waiting for him and Tom followed in silence to the car.  
When they reached the studio, Tom pulled out his guitar, tuning and strumming it quietly in the corner. Some days, Georg and Gustav joined them and the practiced as a group, but other days, Bill wanted it to be just him and Tom. Today was one of those days and Tom couldn't decided whether he wanted the G's there or not. On one hand, they would distract him and take his mind off of he and Bill's dilemma, but on the other hand, they would probably notice something was off and then it would be even more awkward.  
Bill sat in one of the chairs by the control board with a notebook where he wrote down ideas and music. He was humming softly, leaning back in the chairs with a his long legs crossed at the ankle in front of him. Tom watched him out of the corner of his eye, but strummed his guitar. His mind wasn't on music and he couldn't concentrate. He tried warming up on “Monsoon” but became frustrated when he stroked several wrong chords on a song he could typically play in his sleep.  
“Fuck this.” he muttered, putting down the guitar and pacing away.  
“Tom,” Bill said, softly, after him.  
“What?” Tom asked, spinning around. “Why did you even bring me along today? I'm fucking useless.”  
“You're the one who wanted in on everything I plan for the album.” Bill reminded him and then frowned, “You're not useless, Tom.”  
“For today, I am.” Tom replied, vehemently.  
“You're never useless to me, whether you can play guitar or not.” Bill stated, his voice soft but firm. Tom shuddered at the tone of his voice. It was the one he always used when they were alone and he was trying to make Tom understand something. “You're my brother, my twin...” Bill stood from his chair and crossed the room. He pulled Tom around to face him, dark eyes meeting his intensely. “You're my Tom.” The possessiveness in his voice made a shiver work its way down Tom's spine and he stared up at Bill. He was so ready to go back, but he wasn't letting himself. He needed broken – he needed Bill to break him. Looking up into his eyes, Tom wondered if Bill could read that message in his eyes.  
“Do you want to go home?” Bill asked softly, lifting a hand to stroke Tom's cheek. Tom closed his eyes, almost leaning in to the touch. He opened his eyes and looked up into Bill's. He found them intense, almost too intense to look into.  
“Home.” Tom whispered. 

~

Bill drove one handed, the other holding to Tom's hand over the gearshift. Tom leaned back against the seat, his fingers trembling in Bill's grasp. He was shaking all over and he was terrified.  
Bill was going to break him, he knew. He was going to break him hard and fast – it was going to hurt, but afterwards, it would feel better, so much better.  
“Its okay.” Bill murmured, his fingers stroking over Tom's hands. “I'm going to take care of you, Tomi. I promise.”  
Tom nodded raggedly. Dread and desire was swirling in his stomach, and he could feel himself, half hard beneath his boxers. He wanted to drag his hand down over it, but he kept his fingers wrapped around the armrest with white knuckles.  
Bill kept his eyes steadily on the road until he pulled into the driveway. Tom didn't want to let go of Bill's hand, but Bill disentangled their fingers to exit the car.  
They went inside and Tom walked on weak legs. In the short time it had taken to drive home, he had turned to putty in Bill's hands. He was ready to fall before Bill again, spread himself out naked and vulnerable. He was ready to take the punishment that awaited him.  
Bill walked him upstairs and Tom went to Bill's room without being told. Once there, Bill shut the door softly.  
“Pants down.” He said, softly.  
Tom fumbled with the button and zipper before getting them down and kicking them off along with his shoes. He went on to his boxers and Bill stepped closer to him, his hands covering Tom's shaking ones.  
“Shh, slow down.” Bill said, pressing a kiss against his damp forehead. “You're going to be fine.”  
Tom breathed slowly in and out, the way Bill had taught him to when he became overwhelmed. He nodded slowly against Bill's lips, but his heart still beat out a frantic rhythm.  
“Ok, now the boxers.” Bill said, removing his hands from Tom's. Tom pushed them away and they fell to the floor along with the pants. Bill laid one last kiss on his forehead, before he pulled back and said, “Go lie on the bed.”  
Tom nodded and lifted his chin. He was trying to be strong, but there was no way to be dignified when he was naked from the waist down and about to take a punishment. As he lowered him onto the bed on his stomach, he calculated in his mind how many times Bill would have to spank him. Being rude or slow to obey typically earned three, while backtalk and making faces got five. Outright arguing, however, was a more egregious transgression, a kind of misbehavior that Bill had never tolerated. It was immediately met with ten hard spankings and then a timeout to think about what he had just done. Tom tried to remember how many times he had argued with Bill or been rude and backtalked in the past few days. He couldn't come up with an exact number but he knew it was going to be a lot.  
He glanced over at Bill and saw him toss aside his jacket, leaving his muscled arms bare, a golden brown against the stark white of the shirt. He retrieved the paddle next and walked back to the bed. His face was calm, but serious, a frown marring his otherwise smooth brow. He slid onto the bed next to Tom, one hand stroking over his lower back. Tom buried his mouth in the crook of his arm and pressed his eyes shut.  
“I don't want to this.” Bill said, softly at last, in a tone that made Tom truly believe it. “But I have to.” He said, before he gave a quiet sigh, “It's going to be about thirty.”  
Tom nodded in a quick, jerky motion against his arms. He could feel tears welling in his eyes already and Bill hadn't even touched him, except with a concillatory hand. He had known it was going to be like this, and maybe it was what he needed to realize how much he needed Bill.  
Bill shifted on the bed and his hand pressed down on Tom's back to hold him there because Tom often fought the punishment. Tom braced himself against the bed and kept his eyes squeezed shut as Bill lifted the paddle.  
The first spanking sent a deep burning pain through Tom's skin and a wounded sound leapt from his throat. He muffled it into his arm and bit at his lower lip.  
Bill hardly gave a pause between each spanking. He brought the smooth, wooden surface of the paddle down against Tom's naked flesh firmly, a cracking sound echoing through the room at the conclusion of each punishment. Tom jerked against the bed every time, fighting tears as the number of spankings multiplied. He lost count after the first set of ten, then lost control of himself completely. He sobbed into his arms, long heaving cries that left him hicupping and gasping for breath. He wanted to turn over and tell Bill that he was sorry, so very sorry. He wanted to beg him to stop and then collapse in those soft, assuring arms.  
Bill paused, stroking his back, “It's okay, Tom. You can do this.”  
“Bill...” Tom cried, his voice mutilated by emotion.  
“Shh. Ten more and its over. I promise.” The last bit was soft, and Tom could hear Bill's own voice straining.  
Bill picked up the paddle again and went after him again, forcefully and deliberately cracking the paddle against Tom's red and stinging buttocks. At last, he tossed the paddle aside and slid farther onto the bed, pulling Tom up into his arms. Tom fell against his chest, crying in shallow gasps now. Tears wetted his face and one stray dreadlock was matted against his cheek. Bill smoothed it back and kissed Tom's forehead and face.  
“It's okay, it okay.” He murmured. “You're fine. I've got you.”  
Tom wrapped his arms around Bill's thin waist, nearly crushing him in his grasp. He didn't want to let go ever again.  
“You did good. I'm proud of you.” Bill whispered, rocking him back and forth. He rubbed one hand in circles over Tom's back while the other stayed at his head, petting softly.  
“I love you.” Tom whispered, his voice rough and cracking with tears.  
“Oh, baby, I love you too.” Bill returned, hugging him tighter. “I will always love you.”  
The assurance of that statement made fresh tears well in Tom's eyes and he pressed his face into Bill's neck, seeking out flesh-on-flesh contact.  
They laid entangled together for a few long moments before Bill pulled back. “I'm gonna get your some pain reliever and then I'm going to get rid of my clothes, okay.” He said with a soft smile. Tom was reluctant to let him go, but he loosened his grip and allowed Bill to slide off the bed. He returned a moment later with two pills and a glass of water. He handed it to Tom and Tom swallowed them down as Bill began to shed his clothes. Tom set the glass down and watched with hazy eyes as Bill left the tanktop and the pants on the floor. He stripped out of his tight, spandex boxers, leaving him completely naked. He stepped up to the edge of the bed where Tom was sitting and placed his hands on either side of Tom's face. He leaned down and kissed Tom's lips, still salty with tears. He slid his hands down and grabbed the edge of the t-shirt Tom was still wearing. He pulled it off and tossed it aside.  
“I love you.” He repeated, stroking his thumbs over Tom's cheeks. He leaned down to impart another kiss and leaned them both back on the bed. Tom went willingly, parting his legs on either side of Bill. He wanted Bill now. He wanted him inside him, slow and deep, connecting them on the deepest level.  
Bill reached back and grabbed the lube from the side table.  
“Want you...” Tom whispered, spreading himself out for Bill.  
“Gonna have me...” Bill returned in a soft whisper, opening the lube to get his fingers wet. He pushed one of Tom's thighs up and leaned over him as he slid his hand down between Tom's legs. Tom moaned, reaching for a kiss as Bill's wet fingertips slipped between his buttocks. Bill pressed soft, urgent kisses against Tom's mouth as he rubbed at Tom's hole, willing the quivering flesh to open to him. At last, his fingers slid in and Tom let out a hissing breath. Bill pressed his fingers in out, working back Tom's resistance until he could fit a second finger in next the first. Tom groaned as the two pushed in deeply, up to Bill's knuckle. Bill's long fingers quested inside him, stroking at his inside walls until he found the little bud of his prostate.  
“Oh, Bill...” Tom groaned, his body arching. He grabbed at his leg to his keep it up against his side and bit down on his lip as Bill stroked his fingers faster inside him.  
“You want another finger?” He asked as his lips skimmed over Tom's perspiring neck.  
“Yes... yes, please...” Tom whispered, and was immediately rewarded with a third finger. Bill worked it in next to the other two, stretching him now. He twisted his fingers inside him and Tom cried out. “Want it faster...” He groaned, his free hand grasping at Bill's shoulder and neck. Bill didn't answer this time. He just kept his fingers pumping steadily inside him. They were in far enough that he could find his prostate each time and tease the wanton flesh.  
“Bill, please...” Tom groaned. His cock was fully erect now, and the pain of the spankings was becoming a distant memory. All he could feel now was the pleasure coarsing heavily through his veins.  
Bill pulled away from his and pushed Tom's other thigh up as the thrusts of his hand quickened. Tom cried out louder as Bill fit his last finger into, knifing all four in deep now.  
“Oh my God...” Tom quavered as Bill's fingers pounded inside him. “Bill, I'm gonna... gonna cum if you don't stop...” He groaned, pulling his eyes open to make eye contact.  
Bill's hand slowed, but he was panting, his eyes full of desire.  
“I want you in me.” Tom whispered. “Please.”  
Bill's fingers slid from him and Tom whimpered. He wanted them replaced with Bill's cock. After almost three days of celibacy, Tom was suddenly desperate. He couldn't understand how he had denied Bill now that Bill was here with him, pleasuring him, ready to put his dick in him.  
Bill grabbed the lube and applied a dollop to his cock, spreading it over himself with a quick pump of his hand. He hauled Tom closer to him and fit his cockhead against his entrance. Tom stared up at Bill wantonly as Bill pushed into him slowly and steadily. Tom groaned as Bill more than filled him up, stretching him inside in the most pleasurable way.  
“Oh, yes...” Tom groaned.  
“Come here, baby,” Bill whispered and drew close, seating his cock all the way inside Tom's yielding heat. Tom clung to him as Bill began to rock his hips against him, thrusting his cock in slow, but deep pulses. Bill connected their lips, kissing him wetly as they began to move together. His tongue stud clicked against their teeth before it scraped over Tom's palate, as he stroked the inside of Tom's mouth with a quick, hot tongue.  
Tom wrapped his legs around Bill's waist, undulating his hips up against Bill's thrusts. The underside of his cock rubbed against Bill's stomach and he moaned. Bill slipped his hand between them and began to rub softly at his head. He drew his thumb over the tip, stretching back foreskin to graze his fingers over the leaking slit. Tom shuddered and gasped as Bill pleasured him with his hand and his cock, quickly pushing him towards orgasm.  
Bill labored over him, his face adoring and etched with love. Tom gazed back at him, lifting a hand to Bill's face.  
Both of their faces began to twist as the climax encroached on them. Bill pushed harder into him, his slim hips rocketing quickly against Tom's ass.  
“Come on, baby,” He whispered, his voice breathless. He leaned down and their hot, heavy breaths gusted against each other's mouths before their lips crashed together again. Tom moaned into Bill's mouth as their tongues swiped wetly at each others.  
Bill pushed Tom's legs up higher, almost bending him in half as he ground harder into him, hammering his prostate with thrust. Tom cried out, his feet on Bill's shoulder. His hooked his heel behind Bill's neck, pulling him closer as they came barreling towards the climax.  
Tom felt all of his muscles tightening and he cried out, letting his voice rise in abandon as the climax overtook him. He shuddered and bucked helplessly as the pleasure ravaged him, his cock spasming before cum spilt from his head like a fountain. It sprayed wetly over his stomach and chest as he came harder. He kept coming and coming, his body one unending nerve of pleasure.  
He felt a hot rush of wetness inside him, Bill's cum shooting deep into him. His twin reared back, his mouth stretched open in pleasure. The tendons in his neck stood out sharply, the muscles of his chest straining as he pumped into Tom several more times as his own climax ascended.  
At last they collapsed to the bed and Tom crawled into Bill's arms again, weak and spent. Bill was warm and damp from sex and he smelled wonderful. Tom snuggled up against his chest, and stared up at the perfection of Bill's face. He lifted a hand and traced his jaw and then the swell of his lips. Bill turned his face downwards, his mouth lifting in a small smile beneath Tom's fingers.  
This is freedom. Tom thought as Bill pulled him closer. His eyes closed and he found himself drifting, satisfied and exhausted. He had been sure that getting away from Bill's rules and commands would mean freedom, but it had just turned out to be Tom missing him and realizing that what they had could never be replaced. This was freedom – lying in Bill's embrace and realizing that Bill still loved him after everything. Suddenly the last few days had felt like a prison, but Bill had been the key to release him and Tom never wanted to go back. Never.

**Author's Note:**

> I really appreciate comments!


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